I have a thing about feet, not a fetish, just a thing. All men, without exception, have horrible feet. This is a true fact, (sexist? Oh yes indeedy). Women need to have nice feet to counteract the hairy, gnarly foot monsters that sprout out at the end of men’s legs.
Now’s the time to prep our lovely female feet for summer. Easy and quick, this will save you loads of time later.
Once a week, place your dainty, girly foot on your spotlessly clean toilet seat and file your heels with said file.
WHAT? Why on the toilet seat? Because it means you have easy access to the whole heel AND all the nasty dead skin can be flushed away instantly – you really don’t want that stuff flying around do you?
Do not go overboard!* It’s tempting when you see just how much dead skin comes off, but I’ve been there, know when to stop.
L’Occitane Shea Butter Foot Cream £19.00**
Massage this thick, lavender*** scented cream like crazy into your heels and watch how it seeps into ‘cracks’ and smoothes them out instantly.
Oh yeah, wear plastic flip flops or little socks afterwards because your heels will be really slippery, or do it before bed with your feet dangling outside the duvet for a while.
Do these two little steps once a week starting now and by summer you too, will have a ‘thing’ for pretty feet as well.
Men, take note, you CAN do this too – in fact, I insist!
* Seriously, go easy, the sheer agony of raw heels is not pleasant.
** I know £19 seems a lot, but £8 for the handbag size means you’re paying twice the price – 26p per ml instead of 13p, get the big one, it lasts!
*** The lavender scent isn’t ‘old lady Yardley bath salts‘ but more, ‘a field of swaying lavender in Provence on a warm summer’s day.’
Alternatively, because it did take me a while to part with £19.00 for the foot cream, you can use any hand or foot moisturiser, it’s the filing that the key.
UPDATE: 11th March 2015
A couple of weeks ago, I pinched a nerve in my lower back – it hurt so much! This meant I wasn’t able to bend down to even lightly file my heels or moisturise them properly. I was surprised by how quickly they became dry and cracked.
I did consider asking Mark to file them, (you must be with someone for a very long time to ask this of them), but I know from past non relaxing, foot rubs, that his hands are just too strong for such a delicate manoeuvre. He’s like Lennie from Mice and Men, I can actually feel my poor foot bones bending under the strain of his meaty paws crushing them.
I knew I was in trouble when I caught my heel on a ‘raised pattern’ duvet cover. It’s not that it hurt, it’s just really uncomfortable. #princess
My heels are still very dry and cracked, but I’ve found soaking them in bathing salts really helps to soften the skin.
Epsom salts soothe aches and pains after a day in heels, they are an anti-inflammatory and will also help to reduce swelling and puffiness.
Add half a cup of Epsom salts to a large bowl of warm water and soak your feet for 10 to 20 minutes.
The salt will remove odours and soften dry skin, which can then be removed easily with a pumice stone (I’ve never been able to do this with a pumice stone) or foot file.
The salts I use as a foot soak aren’t Epsom salts, the brand is Tidman’s Soothing Seasalt Bathing Crystals – mainly because my dad buys them in bulk from Costco and I just help myself to a few packs when I’m at my parents’ house.
The ingredients label says ‘Pure Sea Salt with no additives’ and the company behind it is the very famous Maldon Crystal Salt Company.
Tidman’s Soothing Seasalt Bathing Crystals 1 kg £2.00 (11/03/15) Sainsburys.
CRACKED HEELS HELP
I’ve been sent a cream to specifically target severe dry skin. It’s fairly heavy-duty, so I’m still patch testing it first before I begin the trial.
Look after your feet, they’re the only pair you’re going to get!